MYTH: My "out-there personality" and "lifestyle choices" are bad for your business and your brand.
FACT: If you feel this way, it might be because your clientele are incredibly privileged fucks who pay with expired coupons and who will leave your sorry ass the second a competitor offers the same product/service at a marginally lower rate. You can continue with this race to the bottom, or you can work with a top.
First of all, fuck the professional, streamlined-portfolio-targeted-audience-SEO-sponsor-friendly-begging-for-work bullshit, I pay internet rent for this space out of my own pocket, and I'll be damned if I don't make it my own.
I'm a multifaceted and dynamic being, which means I come with perks and bonuses (like "being an actual person" for example). So explore, get lost in the depths of my accomplishments, and enjoy your stay. This whole site is a digital museum of my past, present, and future with free admission!
What does working with me mean for your projects and goals? It means everything you get from me is guaranteed to be the real deal, made with unparalleled heart and soul-- because I'm not some cloned-ass little automaton bitch with capitalistic aspirations of joining corporate royalty.
I'm a passionate creator with real-life experiences, who has spent far too much of my life getting fucked in the ass (without lube) by ingrate middle-management types using my spine as a stepping stool to sit in a high chair.
I am also highly adaptable and I can learn to do anything. I'm an actor, writer, audio engineer, computer programmer, juggler, improvisational dancer, shapeshifter, chef, personal aide, professional driver, risk-taker, and occasional daredevil. I have lots of experience doing all your favorite corporate buzzword things for less than a living wage!
But just because I can do something doesn't mean I will. Part of learning to set healthy boundaries is reserving the right to say "no" to anything that isn't worth my time. No one owes you anything, and it's high time you stop thinking like some antebellum-era plantation owner.
Treat me right, and I will be the best partner you've ever had. Double-cross me, and we're done. If that sounds like a deal breaker, then you're a terrible person, and I'm actually thrilled that we won't be working together.
If you're still reading this, it means I'm exactly the person you're looking for. Now it's your turn to impress me.
Everything we do as humans is a form of storytelling. From the way that we walk, to the the clothes we wear, to the ways we relate to one another. Each individual element of who we are is woven together into a complicated and beautiful story. Even the way we poop tells a story (and your doctor can back me up on this).
So what makes my storytelling so legendary? The staying power. My stories stick with you. Seriously, try not to think about my stories. You will find that it is not possible. Though the details might fade, upon reflection you will find that I have already told you many stories. My legendary status was achieved when your curiosity drew you into my words. Into my world.
My legendary storytelling prowess exists long into the distant future. In the times of space travel, and time travel, and the times when pandas rule the Earth.
Schoolchildren will study my works, and be forced to perform them by half-asleep teachers, even though no one will understand what the stories were even about, because of how different language will have become.
A non-binary Martian cyborg will discover the great body of my works and dedicate zir life to uncovering the hidden depths and unsuccessfully attempting to replicate my style, but this will prove to be futile.
If you are a capitalist, my storytelling means dollar signs.
If you are something more than a capitalist, my storytelling has a profoundness hidden even from me.
Coming soon... You must have patience with me too.
I'm a non-binary trans womxn and my pronouns are she/they. I have a very strong sense of gender identity that is extremely important to me, and colors the way I experience the world. I am always happy to talk about it with anyone who's interested in learning more.
I am a serious advocate of better comprehensive LGBTQ+ inclusive, body-positive, and non-segregated sexual education for everyone. Sexuality is an important part of our basic nature and stigmatizing any of it sets our species back millions of years.
I've been in and out of the closet so much that the door squeaks now and the hardware store guys call WD-40 my "usual." I lost years of my life trying desperately to be the man the world, my parents, former employers, and ex-lovers all wanted me to be, and it came at incredible psychological costs.
I detransitioned for six of the most difficult years of my life. I've passed through every gender imaginable on the way.
I've been a guest speaker at multiple venues, sharing my story and discussing the challenges that come along with living in a world that is extremely hostile to people like me. Please let me know if you have a venue for me to tell my story.